Category: Humor

Posted below is a report I wrote for my fourth grade social studies class. I had to read it aloud in class. Enjoy.

What Columbus Day Means To Me
By Jackington Viego

Christopher Columbus found America in 1492. Although he was Italian, it was the country of Spain that financed his fateful journey. He had three ships named the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.

Christopher Coumbus was not the first person to discover America, but he is the man who set into motion a sequence of events which would eventually result in the deaths of millions and millions of Native American Indians. Christopher Columbus and his fellow Europeans brought with them many, many diseases to which the Native American Indians had no immunity. Many feel Christopher Columbus started a genocide. I choose not to take a position. I have no dog in this fight, if you will. All I know is Christopher Columbus was a conquistador, and that makes me proud.

Were it not for the actions of Christopher Columbus, I would not be alive today. The reason for this is such: chaos theory dictates that a small event can have a significant impact on the sequence of events that follow. Had Christopher Columbus not discovered America when he did, the Europeans would not have conquered the new world. My ancestors who were alive at the time would not have been given the opportunity to become proud Americans. Their offspring perhaps would not have met the mates they chose while living in America. As a result, their future offspring would be different than the ones they had, thus making it impossible for me, my parents, my grandparents, my great grandparents, my great great grandparents, and so on, to have been born. If, by chance, some miracle allowed them to exist, such as fate, there is a chance I would have been born in a foreign country, such as Germany, Poland, or even France, which smells funny. I would hate my life over there and every morning I would look up in disgrace at my father and ask, "Daddy, why can't we live in America, where they have such fabulous inventions like electricity and faucet water?" Only that would be in French, and then my father would hit me.

In closing, Columbus Day means the world to me. It is, in essence, the very reason for my existence, and for that I am thankful.