Categories: Humor

Ring. Ring.

The caller ID says 888-888-8002. (Real number! Call it if you'd like!) Seems a bit telemarketish, but it could be one of my credit card companies alerting me to fraud.

Jackington: "Hello?"

Silence.

Jackington: "Hello?"

Evil Doer: "May I please speak to Jackington Viego?"

The caller has a thick accent that sounds foreign. It must be a foreigner.

Jackington: "This is Jackington."

Silence.

Jackington: "Hello?"

Evil Doer: "May I please speak with Jackington Viego?"

Jackington: "Yes. This is Jackington."

Silence.

Jackington: "Hello?"

Evil Doer: "Am I speaking to Jackington Viego?"

Jackington: "Yes!"

Evil Doer: "I'm sorry Mr. Viego. You are breaking up."

Yeah. Whose fault is that?

Evil Doer: "Mr. Viego, we are reviewing our accounts and we show that you have been a regular taxpayer and pay all your bills. As a result, the federal government has approved you for a grant of $5000. The grant will never have to be paid back."

Yes! Five grand! It's my lucky day. I didn't know the government granted you five thousand bucks just for paying your taxes. That seems to defeat the purpose, but whatever. I guess they're trying to save money by outsourcing the "call and let everybody know the good news" job. But wait a minute. What's that smell? It's kind of fishy...

Evil Doer: "This money will be transferred directly into your account from the national treasury. All we need to do is verify your account information."

Oh! That's it! I know what that smell is! It's bullshit!

Jackington: "Die. Die a thousand deaths."

Click.