Categories: Bizarro World, Political

As some of you may know, I am now a liberal Democrat/hippie communist. From here on out I will be putting conservative Republicans/racist Nazis in their place.

Wait! Before you leave in disgust, allow me to explain myself. I am quite confident you, too, will change your evil, capitalist pig ways after hearing what I now know. So put down your lynching tongs and gather 'round the camp fire. Ol' Jackington's got a story to tell. This is the story about how Jackington Viego became a liberal.

Jackington Viego was once a man with a heart. He cared about everyone and was generous to a fault. But one day he was approached by the Republican Party. "Join our club," they offered, "we'll make you rich beyond your wildest dreams."

So Jackington joined. At the time, he had no idea they were evil. He thought they were good. They gave him money and a job and a purpose in life. All Jackington had to do in return was spread the word. So Jackington went out and converted the non-believers. And the Republicans gave him more money.

After awhile, the Republicans started asking more and more of Jackington. They made him start a blog and gave him lies to tell. They gave him things to say when caught in a lie. Jackington started to buy into the lies. They soon started to take over his entire belief system until he was truly one of them. The Republicans had successfully brainwashed Jackington.

It wasn't long until Jackington got invited to the lynchings. Jackington was so proud. He'd finally made it. All he had to do was hang black folks once a month. The paychecks kept rolling in. Jackington soon had enough money to buy a mansion and hire a butler named Jeeves.

Life was great for Jackington. He was given more and more duties which included suppressing black votes and dumping toxic chemicals into the parks located in liberal cities.

Finally, last week Jackington was given the chance to move up to the next level. If he could pull this off, Jackington would be made mayor of a small town. Jackington was given a device that makes hurricanes. He was to take out New Orleans.

Jackington was successful. New Orleans was destroyed. While Jackington waited for his reward, he posted many blog entries filled with the lies he was fed. Jackington enjoyed reading the comments of angry liberals. But then something happened.

One of the commenters knew the magic word; the single word that would undo all of Jackington's programming. That word was asshat.

Suddenly, Jackington realized what he had been doing. Everything Jackington knew was wrong. Jackington quickly worked to make amends:

Thank you for that. Your name calling has put me in my place. I've now changed my entire viewpoint and have even gone out and registered as a Democrat. I also emptied my entire bank account ($25,902.51) and sent it to the Red Cross. As I type this a family of seven is on the way to my house where they will be staying until they can get back on their feet. I made sure to ask for a family that didn't have the means or desire to leave before the hurricane hit. As soon as I get done typing this message I'll be writing an apology letter to John Kerry for playing a part in costing him the election.

If you've fallen prey to the evil Republicans, you are an ASSHAT!

Hey, now, feel better? You are now deprogrammed. Let's work together to fix this problem. If we can get rid of Bush, we can end the Republicans' evil ways forever!

The Bulldog Manifesto has the right idea:

Impeach George W. Bush -- A Call to All Blogs and Activists!

The time has come. It's time to stay on point. The blogs need to unite around a rallying cry of "IMPEACH BUSH." As of this post, the term "impeach bush" is the third most popular search term at Technocrati.

President Bush has totally and utterly failed the American people. Almost every day we are presented with further proof why he should not be our president. From 9/11, to WMDs, to Iraq, to Katrina-- the reasons are many and obvious. We need to impeach him NOW.

The only point that should be discussed is-- "IMPEACH BUSH NOW!" We need to pound this point over and over again. It should be mentioned wherever possible, and it should not stop until the mainstream media and all politicans realize that we, the people, will not stand for gross negligence, willful and wanton misconduct, nor the utter lies, any longer.

The Bulldog Manifesto hereby calls upon every blog, from large to small, from Eschaton to Spontaneous Rising, from Daily Kos to Martian Anthropologist, from Crooks and Liars to Bring it On, from The Rude Pundit to The Talking Dog and EVERY BLOG IN BETWEEN!

The Bulldog Manifesto hereby calls upon every activist, from the national activists to the pissed off mothers, from the local politicians to the military families, from the school teachers to the student, spread the word, it is time to IMPEACH BUSH NOW. Cut and paste this post and email it to friends and family, write letters to your senators and congressperson, start your own impeachment blog, sign the Impeach Bush Petition, just do something! It begins with ALL OF US!

It doesn't matter whether the House of Representatives consists of a Republican majority, we cannot wait around until 2006 for that to change. We can no longer afford to wait. Impeachment begins NOW, with all of us!

Feel free to cut and paste this post wherever you wish.

Go! Quickly! Let's get this done, people!