Category: Commentary

I just watched an old movie. Not really old. Like, early 90s old. It's a movie that's so bad it's good. It's based on a video game. The only similarities is has with the video game are the names of the characters. It stars Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, and Dennis Hopper. Give up? It's Super Mario Bros.! I own it on DVD!

I remember seeing this movie when it first came out and wondering why they couldn't just stick to the original source material. See, it had most of the characters from the games (minus Princess Peach a.k.a. Princess Toadstool; instead they had Princess Daisy), but they were changed into things they were not. Goombas, which were evil mushrooms in the game, became large, stupid reptiles. King Koopa (Bowser) became Dennis Hopper, a human who descended from a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Daisy was a human who descended from dinosaurs, as was Toad. Big Bertha, a large fish in the game, became a large black woman with a thing for Mario. At least Yoshi was still a dinosaur.

According to the movie, 65 million years ago a large meteor struck the earth and caused it to split into two parallel worlds. Mammals ruled one world and dinosaurs ruled the other. They both eventually evolved into humans. Okay then. So the reptile world is all desert except for a single city, which is ruled by the evil King Koopa. He wants to merge the two worlds and then use a de-evolution device to turn all the mammalian humans back into apes. Okay then. In order to do this, he needs a small piece of the meteor that broke off. If it's placed back in the meteor, the two worlds will merge. Okay then. Princess Daisy's mother steals the meteor piece, takes it and her unborn daughter (who is in an egg) through a portal to our world and leaves her with some nuns. Now that she's all grown up, King Koopa sends his men to bring her and the meteor piece back. You see, she's the only one who is able to place the piece back into the meteor, as anyone else who tries will die. Okay then. Around this time, Luigi starts dating Daisy. On their first date, she gets captured. So Mario and Luigi go to rescue her. I don't need to tell you the rest, because it's just as bad as you're imagining.

Now, twelve years after the movie was released, I've watched it again. It's really quite entertaining, as long as you go in expecting something completely ridiculous. Fans of the games will have fun spotting all the references placed throughout the movie, such as a place of business named Thwomp's. And there's a hilarious scene in an elevator where Luigi gets a bunch of goombas to dance, all without them knowing he's there. The ending of the movie sets it up for a sequel that, for some inexplicable reason, never got made.

The best thing about this movie is the fact that, despite being totally different from the games it's based upon, it is not the worst video game movie ever made. Perhaps it's the most unfaithful, but you can do far, far worse when it comes to entertainment value.

Also note that this wouldn't be the last time John Leguizamo and Dennis Hopper would face off in a movie. They recently went at it again in Land of the Dead. So there's that.