Categories: Humor, Misc

The white death is upon us. Inch upon inch of snow pours from the sky. Every once in awhile the snow lets up so that gallon after gallon of freezing rain can clear-coat the snow with an illustrious and slippery finish. Cue the snow again. We're expected to get record setting mountains of this stuff. I've heard as much as twenty (20) inches with three-plus foot snow drifts! On top of that, the temperature is expected to drop to twelve below zero by Christmas! Where is the global warming I was promised?

My trip home from work today took nearly three and a half hours. Seeing as how today was just the beginning of the storm, I may just opt out of working tomorrow. You see, I don't get paid enough to put up with this. Also, my car isn't even a year old yet and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let some jackass who doesn't know how to drive slam into it and blame the accident on the snow, which, by the way, is how I lost my last car. When that happened, I was super pissed and that car was ten years old. My yelling scared the asshole driver and he refused to get out of his car. I realize I am a large and intimidating man, but what a sissy. Even the people who stopped to help ran away. I can't even imagine how I would react if something happened to my new car. Somebody would probably end up dying. I'd better not chance it.

Since this is most likely the worst storm to ever hit this area, I'll be disappointed if they don't find at least one frozen corpscicle over the next few days. After all, Christmas is the most deadly time of the year.

Remember kids, always eat the yellow snow.